We Met in a Place I Never Would Have Chosen

Hello,

I really want my story to give people hope that things can get better. No matter how impossible your situation looks right now, things can change in ways you never expect.

My circumstances felt hopeless.

I had been trying to manifest a specific person for more than five years. At that point, I genuinely believed I was the exception. Other people got success stories. Other people figured it out. I was convinced there was something wrong with me that made love impossible.

The person I wanted was someone I had known years before. We had been involved on and off, but eventually he got a girlfriend and treated me like I barely mattered. It was humiliating. I don't think I realized how deeply that experience affected me until much later.

My body was showing signs of that stress. I started to get panic attacks, suffered from vertigo, and life in general felt like a constant fight just to make it through another day with no guarantee things would get better. The trend was that things would get progressively worse.

When I started coaching I was in full blown survival mode. I had purchased the Bury the Old man pdf and got some coaching calls to have Paulie help me through it.

One of the biggest things I discovered was that underneath all the heartbreak was this belief that I had to earn love. I knew I struggled with feeling "not good enough," but I had spent years trying to think my way out of it.

I always knew my problem was that I believed I wasn’t good enough. This wasn’t new information. But I would try to reason my way out of it without doing deep identity work. With emotional revision I learned to connect to my body and make changes in my subconscious mind.

I think for the first time ever I was being honest with myself. Before I didn’t know what was happening in my inner world. Now that I could see it honest was easy.

After emotional revision I did the questions exercise and it was a profound experience. The best way to describe it was an inner encounter with God. Before, when I would try to imagine the end I would be focused on making sure the images were just right, or making sure my scene implied I had what I wanted. The difference now is that I wasn’t just giving myself a feeling, it was deeper.

I knew deep in my being what being loved was like, and the scene just came into my mind. It was more like a premonition than an imaginal scene. That’s how done it felt.

I could live in that identity pretty effortlessly. I went about my life that way and everything felt more enjoyable. Honestly, being in love is the best thing ever!

It was about a month into it that I got an unpleasant surprise that I didn’t know would be the bridge of incidents.

I got sick and had to go to the ER. I had to stay overnight for observation. I was put in a shared room with 2 other people. One of them was my person. He didn’t have social media or nothing, so God had to move in very mysterious ways for this one.

After being discharged we kept in touch. I guess the bridge is always a surprise.

He admitted he had been nervous to talk to me because he thought I looked beautiful, which made me laugh considering neither of us was exactly having our best moment sitting in a hospital room.

We talked about the past. It was trippy to hear his perspective and how much he has grown as a person. He apologized for what he had to apologize for and I admitted my own fault. We both felt like we had a deep connection that we just weren’t ready for.

This made my day because I was so scared that I was crazy and the feeling of connection was one sided. But he felt it too! Since then we’ve been inseparable and he’s been a great boyfriend. Now that I’m not a control freak I’m an amazing partner to him.

If you're reading this feeling hopeless, please don't assume your situation is impossible. Mine looked impossible too.

I'm so grateful I didn't give up on myself.