She spent six years trying to manifest a man who had already chosen someone else

The Mentorship:

They told me time doesn’t matter. I wasn’t supposed to care that I had spent years trying to manifest him while he had moved on with a 3p. But I did care and it mattered to me.

I was terrified of spending the rest of my life waiting for him to choose me.

Create a Spark was the first time I felt understood in this community and felt the relief that someone had gone through similar circumstances and had a solution.

The SP and I had been on and off for years. He was the kind of man that seemed to have it all. He was good looking, successful, and everyone liked him. And behind closed doors, with me, it felt like he showed me his bad side. He was always trying to put me down. I thought maybe he didn’t want to give false hope.

I did so much for him. I gave him my best. And then during a period in which he had ghosted me, he goes and gets engaged to someone else. I did my best to stick to circumstances don’t matter, and everyone is you pushed out. He got married anyway.

The most crushing part was how he looked at her. One of my friends got invited to the wedding. She told me all about it, and to just move on because he had made his choice and it wasn’t me.

I was in a state of shock after that. I had invested so many years on manifesting him and this is how it ended? My mind couldn’t handle it. I needed help and wasn’t willing to waste another six years. My mind was full of scenes that never happened. They felt like memories. I had impressed the shit out of my subconscious. I didn’t know what else was left to do.

I feel I have to say I did get movement. I’ve been on Paulie’s lives in which people say that they did manifest things without going deeper. Those comments used to trigger me because they felt invalidating. Yes, you can manifest material things without going deep. I did too. But when it comes to real love that lasts it’s another thing. It’s not normal to spend years trying to manifest a specific person!

And it wasn’t effortless for me. I had become an emotional mess over the past six years just trying to affirm and persist and feeling like a failure every time he left again. If you’re reading this and feel the same, please don’t listen to the new age Karens. I used to be one. And I was wrong.

The first thing we did was stabilize me enough to be able to do emotional revision. Paulie was a sweetheart while I was exploring my belief system and understanding what got me into this situation to begin with. What I can tell people about emotional revision is just do it. It got me way better movement than what I’ve had in the past.

Meanwhile in the 3d, that friend we had in common tells me that they are separating. She didn’t want to tell me in case I became obsessed again, but she saw how my energy had become more grounded. I did get a lot of joy from his marriage falling apart that fast. Then I got insecure again.

What if I was going from the frying pan to the fire? What if he found someone better than the 3p? We worked on my self concept and anchoring in God. This was an intense period in my inner world and on the 3d. He started to come in again, texting, then flaking. My blood pressure must have been through the roof. He had always been an absolute piece of shit with me and I didn’t have a problem admitting it now.

I could see him for who he was. And here’s the thing, he was reflecting me. I was getting all my validation from him, and his whole worth came from what he had going on in his life and what other people thought about him. We had the same wound.

You know how in the past he was mean to me? I couldn’t accept romantic love unless it felt like it was beneficial for someone else. If he was using me then I was “sacrificing my body” for someone else’s benefit. I had to be useful or convenient.

I didn’t realize that I had spent my whole life not understanding love. I either saw it as getting validation from him because he desired me or getting validation from him because I was useful.

It’s incredible how the old man makes us settle for less.

I did get attached to the old story again, but a forgiveness exercise took care of that real quick. Does anyone else feel a full body convulsion when you do those? It’s intense but it works so fast.

Once that got taken care of, my 3d changed. The piece of shit man that could use a woman was gone. What showed up was a real man. He wasn’t asking me out, he was telling me, but with respect.

He came by with a dress. It fit like a glove, and he told me “that’s because I know your body better than anyone else. And I know what you need”. He said it with the smoothest velvety voice. There was love and command in it.

Then he told me he also knows what my heart needs. I was a little bit scared of ruining the moment. I had let go of the old version of him, forgiven him and myself and could be fully present. But I had to tell him he better not be leading me on. He knew how I felt about him and I can’t have him doing this just to break my heart again.

I changed into my dress and then our evening turned into 9 and ½ weeks. I was scared that without the humiliation wound things would get less intense, because even in the old story, when things were good they were good! But it turns out being able to be all in with someone makes things even more intense, and then romantic and emotionally intimate.

This is something I had never had before. I couldn’t even imagine how someone can pin you against the wall in the shower and then treat you like you’re their whole world. Some of you might laugh but this wasn’t normal to me. I thought being a woman that was respected meant being boring.

Getting your true identity, the one that is valuable because of how much God loves you and not because of what you do, changes the manifestation game. I still find myself in awe from time to time. He leans on me for things, cares about my opinion. I’m a real girlfriend! Not just someone to be used, but someone he sees himself having a family with. We are equals, you know?

I used to see him as above me and thought that was love. If I can give anyone any advice, please do this process. I used to think love meant being chosen by someone I thought was above me. Now I know what it feels like to be loved by an equal. And he was always that, I just couldn’t see it before because of my state.