She Had It All Except the Love She Wanted

The Mentorship

I never thought I’d get coaching because I was incredibly good at manifesting. I manifested my dream job, my dream house, even an exciting social life. I met celebrities and rubbed shoulders with powerful people. I was on top of the world in every way except when it came to the love department.

I had been single for a long time, focusing on myself and working on my state of being. I had been watching Paulie’s content for a while, and one day I actually reached what she calls the unconditional love state. Later that same week, I met the love of my life.

He was perfect in every way except for one.

He was engaged to someone else.

The chemistry between us was undeniable. He was upfront with me about the whole situation, and we decided we had to do it at least once. He got a beautiful hotel room, and we spent a weekend together. Just our own little world without thinking about anyone else. It was heaven.

I caught feelings fast. I had told myself I wouldn’t, but I couldn’t help it. He seemed custom made for me. But contact slowly stopped, and then he got married. I reached out, and he responded in shorter and colder sentences until he stopped replying altogether.

Then he changed his profile picture to one from his wedding day, with her in it. It was time for me to take the hint.

I had never felt so lost in my life. He had shown up when I was in the perfect state. He had to be for me. But now I could not even get close to anything like unconditional love. I cried myself to sleep every night and mourned the life I had imagined with him.

But the heartbreak was too much. I knew Paulie had a similar story. I actually think her circumstances were worse than mine. She is the only coach I know who has gone from devastating circumstances to manifesting a beautiful and committed relationship with her specific person.

Paulie is truly the best coach. She is thorough, lets you be a human, and understands manifestation in a way that I believe most people never will. She is spiritually gifted and incredibly compassionate.

I distinctly remember the face she made during our first session when I told her I didn’t want to repeat my circumstances. She looked genuinely confused. She explained why that wasn't really how this worked, and I remember feeling so safe hearing her say it. She wasn't scared of my circumstances. She wasn't trying to figure out how to work around them. She just saw something completely different.

That was one of the first things that made me trust her.

What changed things for me was the identity piece. I started to actually experience myself as someone who was intrinsically loved. Before, I “knew” I was loved in theory, but I had never really experienced myself that way. I had never understood how much of my life was being lived from the assumption that love was something I had to earn or hold onto.

As much as I knew about manifestation before, this was the missing piece.

He came back into my life in a sweet way, but then I was faced with a challenge because he wasn't the end version yet. I got a bouquet of roses with a note from him asking if I’d forgive him.

I was perplexed.

I texted him right away asking what it meant. He said he missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me. He told me he believed I couldn't be happy without him either, so we should be together, but that he would stay in his life. He told me he'd make sure I was happy anyway.

This was so difficult for me.

I didn't want to be in that position again. It hurt too much to have him but not really have him. But I said okay.

I have to say, seeing him again was wonderful. Sneaking around can definitely heat things up. But because of Paulie's teaching, I knew I wanted a love that was burning hot and stable at the same time. I couldn't convince myself that having half of what I wanted was enough.

I wanted it all with him.

We had some wonderful months. He kept his promise of making me happy. He visited me whenever he had time, even if it was only 15 minutes to check in. He would have lunch at my apartment most days.

At times, it felt like domestic bliss.

But then, one day, he said he needed to talk.

He told me his wife was pregnant.

I wanted to throw up. I started crying and shaking. The thought of him with another woman made my stomach turn. I didn't want him to touch me. And he had the nerve to get upset with me because of my reaction.

His defense was that I knew the terms of the relationship.

He was right, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

I got on a call with Paulie, and she walked me through it. I'm so thankful for her. That evening, he and I were talking calmly again. I started seeing things in myself that I hadn't wanted to look at before, and I was finally able to let go of some of that old identity.

Turns out I had a powerlessness wound.

I really thought he was going to be taken away and that I would be punished for wanting to love him and wanting him to choose me. I didn't realize how much fear was underneath the way I had been experiencing this relationship.

The strange thing about emotional revision was how much it changed what felt possible afterward. I could go deeper into unconditional love without feeling like I was forcing myself to be okay with something I didn't want.

I was finally able to imagine the end without immediately finding a reason why it couldn't happen.

We did forgiveness exercises too, just to be sure. I didn't want my old identity getting in the way anymore.

Then he made me a promise. He told me he would do right by us, but he had to figure out how.

He told me all of his fears. What people would think if he left his pregnant wife. What if they saw us together and knew he had left for another woman? How that child might grow up feeling abandoned. He told me he was finally brave enough to choose love, and that he loved me.

But he didn't know what to do.

I told him that we would handle it together. That all things are possible to God, and that telling the truth is what He says to do.

We decided we would wait a little bit, but that night, we decided on our future together.

If you had told me this man would change this much when I first met him, and that he would love me like that, I would have laughed. From day one, he was firm on not leaving, yet somehow, when I stopped being the woman who expected love to be taken away from her, everything changed.

He did an amazing job being my man while we “waited” until the right time. He never made me feel neglected or like an outsider to his life.

I imagined him wanting a baby with me too, and three days later, like clockwork, he expressed his desire to have a family with me.

When it was time, he told the 3p the truth.

Of course, the relationship had deteriorated, and she wasn't surprised or angry. The backlash he had been so scared of never happened. He sees himself as a good man who did right by everyone and told the truth.

I admire his strength, and I'm happy I could support him through that. It brought us closer.

When I told Paulie I was sending her my success story, she celebrated with me and pointed out that the biggest change underneath everything was that I learned to love and be loved.

And she was right.

That’s the reason for my end.

It was finally normal and natural to me.