I Was Always Waiting for My Epic Love Story

Break The Loop

I’ll start off by naming my circumstances so people can understand where I started. And by the way, guys, I was one of those people who thought I had to not talk about the circumstances. I can tell you confidently now that talking about the circumstances does not manifest more of them. It is about the state you are in, and to change things, you really have to look at who you are being.

Since I was in my teens, I had been waiting for my big, epic love story. I did not want what everybody else had. I wanted deep passion, excitement, that meant to be kind of love. Whenever I fell for someone, I fell hard. It did not happen often, but when it did, they were all I could think about.

Whenever I decided someone was my person, things would go wrong. There would be a third party, or something would make us long distance. They were inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or just not giving me what I wanted.

It honestly felt like I had some kind of romantic curse. No man would choose me if I really wanted him.

I had read a lot about manifestation and knew I had a self concept problem, so I started working on my assumptions through affirmations and meditations. This is when I met the SP.

I thought the manifestation was working. I was extremely attracted to him and genuinely believed he was the one. But then the old pattern started playing out again. He was not giving me commitment or treating me the way I wanted to be treated. I was an option to him while he was everything to me. Being chosen by him had become everything to me.

Wasn’t it supposed to be easier to manifest new love? I was so upset. My thoughts were different. My assumptions were different. My self concept was different. So why was I still not getting chosen?

I could not understand what was still making him show up like such an awful version of himself. And when I say awful, I mean it. I could imagine conversations where he would say exactly what I wanted to hear, and he would even say some of those things in real life, but his actions never followed. And I still loved him.

There is nothing more painful than loving someone with everything you have and realizing that it does not mean that much to them.

Being loved by me was not enough to make him choose me.

I signed up for Break The Loop because I wanted to break this pattern once and for all. We looked at my identity first and started figuring out where I was getting stuck.

Paulina has a gift for seeing things in people and making complicated things feel simple. She also made everything feel fun, which I really needed. There were things she let me figure out for myself because she knew I was not ready to see them yet. Just understanding where I was stuck and having a way forward took a huge weight off my shoulders.

The first big change was that I learned what fun was again.

Manifesting this man had become so stressful that I had completely lost touch with the fact that life is actually enjoyable and beautiful. My old fears would still come up, but I had tools for dealing with them instead of letting them take over again. I felt like I had my power back.

Understanding love and God was another huge breakthrough for me. I am very good at feeling bad things, but I had no idea how to get myself into a good state without feeling like I was forcing it. I was stuck on the idea that “feeling is the secret” meant I had to feel something all the time.

Turns out, you can do this without constantly trying to feel something.

Week by week, I started noticing changes in the way I thought about myself. I felt sexy, powerful, and taken care of. I started experiencing unconditional love in a completely different way, and it was actually delightful.

It felt like having this private relationship with God and with life itself. It was exciting. It was pleasurable. And somehow, the old version of me started becoming less interesting.

I genuinely felt something leave me at one point. I cannot really explain it any other way. It felt like a curse had been lifted.

Once I could see things differently, I went to the end and had this overwhelming knowing that this was what was in store for me. I want to mention that I went to the end of the relationship itself first, but I focused on the state I wanted to be in rather than making the SP the center of it.

He still frustrated me, though, and that would pull me right back into my old self concept.

We started using mental prayer to help me see him differently. What Paulina teaches is very different from anything I had done before. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I finally saw who I had been in that old dynamic.

And the realization did not come from me trying to figure it all out. It just came. I saw it. I surrendered those old wounds, and a week later, I got my manifestation.

All this time, I had been in no contact with SP. Then I got a text from an unknown number asking if I was free on the weekend.

I thought it was one of those scam texts where you tell them it is the wrong number and they start a conversation wanting to get to know you, and before you know it, they are asking for gift cards to pay their way out of the oil rig they work at.

I blocked the number. Three days later, I got an email from SP. He had gotten a new number and apparently did not think to tell me who he was before I blocked him. He was the new version, but I did not ask for a version with brains, just one who was sure about me. User error on my part.

I told him I was free, and then I did not hear from him. I almost gave in to the old pattern again, but I held on for dear life.

The weekend came around, and he was at my door with food, wine, and candles. He remembered that I liked romantic surprises. It was something I had always begged for in the old relationship, but he never cared enough to do it.

Did he really think about me before himself?

I did not want to do a victory lap yet. Paulina had warned me about getting seduced by the 3D again. I knew I needed to pay attention to who I was being instead of immediately deciding that everything was fixed forever.

The food was nothing extravagant. It was just food he picked up because he wanted to feed me and spend time with me. He looked really nervous at first, but as we relaxed, I noticed the way he was looking at me. He was admiring me.

He told me he had been thinking about me and could not stop. He had gone through some things that made him realize he wanted to be a better man. He told me he felt lucky to have a woman who cared about him the way I did, and that he cared about me too, a whole lot. Not just friends a lot.

I needed to talk to Paulina after that, so I booked an emergency call because I could already feel the self sabotage tendencies coming up.

Paulie told me not to get bored and gave me one more manifestation to focus on. She had me imagine a scene where he was introducing me as his girlfriend. She took me through it on the call so I could come back to it whenever I needed to.

That night, I went to bed looping the scene. It made me scared. It made me cry with happiness. And then it made me feel soft. I always came back to it from the place of mental prayer, and eventually I naturally dropped it after about three weeks.

Then SP and I went to the mall. We ran into a woman who had been an old third party. It was such a strange moment because it felt like I was looking at the old story from a completely different version of myself.

And then he introduced me as his girlfriend. I waited to send in this success story because I wanted to make sure it stuck. I have had false endings before, and I did not want to celebrate too early. But it did stick.

We settled into this lovely rhythm together, and it feels completely different from what we had before. There is so much more ease in it. I do not feel like I am begging to be chosen anymore.

I am not just chosen. I am deeply loved and seen by the man I love. Thank you, Paulie, for teaching me how to finally have the epic love story I always dreamed of.

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