I Accepted Half of Him… Until Everything Flipped

Break the Loop:

I had been trying to manifest my specific person for 8 years up to this point.
I was stuck in a cycle of being able to be in what I thought was the end and then getting triggered again.

There was a third party. He had no intention of leaving, even though he continued to have a relationship with me. He never lied to me about us. I was his other life, and he genuinely cared about me. But his public life was with her, and that’s how he intended for things to stay.

Why didn’t I just leave? Because I was scared I would never feel the high I felt with him again. I tried to make myself small to fit into what he wanted me to be. He wanted me to be happy with what he could give me. I could pretend on the surface that I was happy. I would say things to him like, I’d rather have half of you than a whole other man. I felt it at times, but I still wanted the full thing.

When I kept going back and forth on my feelings for months, I reached my breaking point. I was tired and had no progress. I had tried everything at that point. Techniques, affirmations, staying in the end. Nothing actually changed.

In coaching, we started with regulation, emotional revision, and making choices about what I would do. She explained it in a way that really clicked for me, like I wasn’t stuck in one version of reality, I was moving through different ones. I could see this journey as me traveling through realities in which he might show up better or worse. If I got an awful version of him or of me, it didn’t mean I was backsliding. It meant I was moving, and I would reach the end.

This changed my perspective on manifestation, because measuring progress based on my feelings or how he was showing up kept discouraging me.

I decided to keep the relationship going with this new understanding. I didn’t have to make him be anything. I didn’t even have to like him. I had to focus on my inner journey.

Emotional revision made me unravel years of repressed limiting beliefs. The more I did it, the less attached I was to my person, which meant I could enjoy him more. Then one day, he reiterated what our relationship was and why he wanted me in his life. I felt so much shame.

I was the woman who needed to stay hidden. I was too important for him to let me go, but not enough to be the one he shared his entire life with. Why wasn’t I good enough? What did he see in me that made him decide I wasn’t enough? At that point, I was so fed up I just thought, fine, show me what this is really about. I was mad and done with its shenanigans.

He showed me that this had never been about the specific person. My feelings of attachment were real, and there was some love there, but what I wanted the most was to be shown I was better than the third party. She was everything I thought I had to be to not be alone or fear abandonment.

Memories started to come up. I remembered showing a picture to a friend, she said the third party was gorgeous. Years later, I saw a picture. She wasn’t that fit anymore, but she looked happy. Even without a six-pack, she was everything I wasn’t for my person, and she had everything I wanted, even if he was lying to her.

And I realized, in a weird way, I was the one keeping that whole dynamic in place. At this point, I had already handed many things to God, but not this. I had seen how, when I handed things over, the changes in 3D were immediate. But I was still scared to face this one.

Facing it gave me a complete shift. It first showed up as a purely somatic reaction, and then the root came up. The feeling of this tragic love triangle was perfectly reflected in my inner world.

I had been trying to solve that problem for years, not quite sure what was happening. Emotional revision finally changed the dynamic in my favor.

The fear of disappointment and rejection was keeping me from stepping into the version of me that could have this relationship. Now I could actually touch my end.

This reflected in 3D pretty quickly. That same week, he started to act differently toward me, but no end yet.

I tried the energy ball exercise to see what was the hold up on my end. A man at work who was with someone else confessed his feelings for me. Now I knew it was definitely that I was keeping the old story in place and I needed to forgive.

I could release his old identity and was ready for whatever happened next. This is when everything started to unfold as if it was a dream.

I got a really bad flu. He texted to meet up and I told him I was sick. He sent me food to my house and even had the delivery man write a cute little note. I loved seeing that he was taking care of me, even if he was far away.

Next time we saw each other he called me his Mrs.

I just gave him a look. He took my hand and asked me if that’s something I would want. I didn’t expect him to move out from his house anytime soon. I was just going with it while vibing with my state.

He kept talking in a way that showed he was serious. The moment that it really landed for me was when he asked me to look at apartments for us to move in together. I actually had to stop him and tell him he was going too fast. And I meant it, not because I didn’t want it, but because I couldn’t process how different everything suddenly was.

But what he said was that even if I didn’t move in right away he wanted it to be our home.

This was the moment in which I had to put my phone down and take a seat. This is when I understood this was real and was happening. I thanked God. No other words but thank you could come out of my mouth.

It took me some days to process that my life was different. My life was with this man now, and I was proud of being there for him while he became the man he always wanted to be.