When the Situation Looked Impossible

I waited to make sure my person followed through  before I even thought about sharing. I got the ultimate success.

The man of my dreams pursued me. I know it sounds great, but he was married. And he had a beautiful family. Everything about him seemed out of reach. I felt like, what in the world am I even doing here? I had a lot of shame around this situation. I tried the usual techniques to get him to be with me full time. But the more I tried, the more he objectified me and treated me like a side piece. It’s like he was telling me “this is all we are” with his actions. This was like a cycle. I would try hard, get push back, then feel shame about what I was trying to do, imagine breaking it off and regret even thinking that. I couldn't deal with the heartbreak. I was stuck.

The entire situation was stressing me out. When he texted to see me I felt my stomach tense up. I knew I’d have to be disappointed again. But I was scared of saying no. If I did that, what if he just stopped calling?

In coaching we untangled everything. My fear was that he liked the social validation having a nice family gave him. Getting a divorce would cost him his image. I had nothing to offer in comparison. Choosing me meant he would  lose his status and his children.

Then Paulie pointed me to look at  who I was being, that I aligned with this situation in the first place. How did we end up here, you know? I manifested the mess with my identity.

We did some exercises in which I would allow my state to show me where I was stuck. I knew intellectually why I had low self esteem and chronic shame. But I didn’t know it was solvable through feeling into it and stepping into the state of being loved by God.

I started having fun. I moved through realities, imagined my end, the life I wanted, not making it about him at all. I kept him in my life as a companion that I could learn about myself from, like a nice man that needed validation himself. This is what my detachment looked like. I was in love with my end, not with him anymore. From this new state there was zero resistance. I wasn’t trying to manipulate anything.

He started opening up more and more, telling me about his favorite movies, books, sharing his world with me. The conversations got deeper. I could feel he was trying to get validation from me. Here I could imagine what if he chose me? I still couldn’t see how it would work out, but I could how it felt to be in the end.

I let myself follow that joy, making sure I stayed detached and surrendered, letting God lead. He started hinting at a future together, asking if he was to become single, if I would stick around.

He got more serious about it. Told me he had always wanted a big family and he got that, but what was missing was a woman he could really do life with and love. He said he tried to shake off the feelings he caught, but he couldn't.

He was honest. And I was fully aligned, fully myself, so I could accept him for who he was and love him for it.

We kept everything respectful, kept the focus on the love and alignment. He’s moving forward with a divorce that’s calm and respectful. I didn’t have to be the enemy and he sees it as gaining love, not losing status. I thought he would need a lot of support from me, but he’s been attentive and reassuring towards me. He’s so loving.

We talked about our future,  and we’re thinking of maybe two more kids.

Miracles really can happen. Through our coaching, Paulie kept telling me “god can make straight lines with crooked pencils”. And that manifested. This situation started as a whole mess and now everything is moving smoothly.