I Thought My Anxiety Ruined My Manifestation, But Here’s What Actually Changed Everything

I’ll start my story from the beginning.

All my life I struggled with self-esteem and body dysmorphia. I didn’t know it back then. I though I was just too deep and misunderstood.  This of course made it very difficult to connect to people in a genuine way. I wanted love but at the same time I was judging myself all the time.

One day I met a man that rocked my world. Immediately I thought he would never go for someone like me. He was social, attractive, had a life he enjoyed, confident. He was everything I wasn’t.

I didn’t find out about he law until years later. It felt like my one chance at happiness. My understanding of it was technique based and hollow. In the beginning it felt empowering, but as I noticed nothing was changing (because I wasn’t changing) I got discouraged and started to “make things happen”, like reaching out to my person and calling it inspired action, even though I was nervous and terrified on the inside.

This put me in a worst place. Now I depended on communication with this man to feel ok. Back then I thought I just had to be stronger and not react. I know a lot of people still believe they have to manage their reactions instead of changing the root that causes the reactions. Please listen to me: You are just wasting your time and energy that way. It’s like putting a ton of concealer on a pimple. The pimple is still there.

The good news is that dealing with the root cause is easier than you think. It takes honesty, and it is unpleasant. But it’s easier than pretending you don’t feel what you feel. It all comes from the state of being.

Emotional Revision changed me deeply. It’s a skill that I’ll always used. I’m not scared of bad emotions now, I understand they are part of the manifestation process.

The old man would get furioso when I said no to getting 3d validation by texting this man. It threw everything It had up me. Here’s the thing about the old man. IT DOESN’T WANT YOU TO DEPEND ON IMAGINATION/GOD. It wants you to depend on 3D. But you don’t have to let it keep you as a slave to it.

This is why emotional revision is so unpleasant, because you will see how much the old man has been controlling you. It is embarrassing to admit once you see it. But this is what propelled me to wanting God/unconditional love more than anything else.

At this point I really understood Paulina’s message. I knew what it meant that God suffered with me and rejoiced with me. I understood that the point of the unconditional love is that you’re still loved even when you are not in the perfect state, and that love sets you free.

Before, I thought I AM was nothingness. What Paulina introduced me to was the very source of life. The opposite of nothingness. 3D was nothing compared to it. So really let the dead bury the dead!! The 3d truly does not matter.

This can only be experienced in relational faith because it is the fulness of love. A love that it’s not available in isolation. This love costs everything you used to be. I bought the pearl of great price.

A little 3d check in: At this point my person was the same as always. Polite, answered if I texted him. That’s it. Nothing had changed yet, and in my inner world I was transforming.

If you want radical change you have to let go of the old man. I had never experienced the kind of results that I am going to tell you about now. Magic is real, miracles are real, and the next part of my story will blow your minds. I am not telling you this to brag, I am telling you this because I used to be clueless and I want people reading this to understand.

Now that I was free, I had my real identity instead of what the old man had convinced me I was. I had full faith because I had met God, and he loved me, and that love was what I am. Here there is no effort, just trust, love and faith.

From here, Paulina introduced me to the questions:

What do you want romantically?

We thought of the presence of the man I could have that with, what the feeling of him was like.

What is it like to see me through his eyes, warts and all? To be allowed to be?

If this is true, how do I feel towards him?

And who am I here? What is the feeling of being me?

We entrusted the desire to God within so he would give it life.

At times I would play with what if it was the original man, only when it was fun, like Paulina instructed me.

I didn’t know what living faith and awakened imagination was before. Before they were just ideas. Now that I knew the reality of God in an undeniable way nothing in the world could make me wobble. The old man came back sometimes, but I knew the difference between his voice and God´s voice.

When the old man talks to you it always feels constricting. There’s shame, guilt, doubt. When God speaks it is steady, calming, comforting and truthful, always expansive.

The old man would tell me horror stories about God before. I didn’t even like the world “God” because of the misconceptions I had. All lies from the old man to keep me listening to him. PLEASE DO NOT FALL FOR ITS LIES.

You are loved now. You can have your manifestation now.

Now back to 3d. This is how it all unfolded.

I was living my life this new way, really focused on my own personal development because now I actually had self-esteem. My person started to message me, usually while he was at work, just wanting my company and presence. I was careful to not get attached and to keep my anchor in God. We met for coffee and he said very odd things that didn’t quite match up with logic. Like that he was so happy he met me, that I’m so important in his life. I think we switched timelines or something.

I went with it and saw it as God’s love shining through my person. That made it feel very low stakes. It was a love I could not lose.

My person’s very odd behaviour as if he remembered a different past continued. We went out for drinks by the pier (my perfect night out and something I had included while going through the questions). We got a little typist and made out like teenagers. Between kisses he asked me if I was his. Of course, I said yes!!

We’ve been an item ever since and It’s been amazing to get comfortable having someone that loves me in my life, even while I’m not perfect, and loving him when he’s not perfect either.

I think we’re going to grow old together.

And that’s how I went from having no real love in my life and being one of those women that would probably never have a good relationship, to being the luckiest most loved woman on earth.

It took burying the old man, knowing God, and experiencing that love within first. It wasn’t about effort, impressing my subconscious or none of that. It was about the source of love itself.