I Faced My Jealousy and Became Her

I have a group of friends, and one of the girls in the group was someone I was close to at the time. Our friendship was complicated. She was not always kind, but I stayed. Then she suddenly got a boyfriend, and he was incredible. From the moment I met him, I felt an instant connection. It caught me off guard. A part of me wondered if he felt it too. Of course, that thought came with guilt. Looking back now, after doing the inner work, I can admit that the friendship itself was not as healthy as I had convinced myself it was.

This is not me trying to justify anything. I did not interfere or try to manipulate circumstances. What I actually did was align with the version of myself who already had the relationship I wanted. I used to try to control the 3D, to force outcomes or shift things externally, and it never worked. This approach was different. I had attempted manifestation before, but I never truly understood it until I began seeing it from another perspective.

The first and hardest step was being honest with myself. I stopped running from my fears. After years of trying to manifest things that never fully materialized, my biggest fear was that manifestation itself might not be real. I could not grow until I admitted I was scared that everything I had experienced so far had been coincidence.

Like many people, I had tried every healing method I could find. It felt like a never ending cycle of fixing myself, constantly searching for the missing piece, putting in effort without seeing anything solid or lasting in return.

For the first time, I allowed myself to say that I did not know. I could not figure it out on my own. That humility opened something in me.

As I became more comfortable looking inward, I started noticing the shame and resentment I had been carrying. I saw the version of myself I had been presenting to the world. I was jealous. I resented watching people around me, including my friend, receive the things I wanted. I judged her. I told myself she did not deserve such an attractive, attentive man who defended her and validated her. I even believed I was better than her. Admitting that to myself was painful.

Yet seeing that old identity clearly was freeing. I realized how much I had depended on the outside world to define who I was. Detaching from circumstances became possible once I understood that my identity did not come from external validation. It came from unconditional love.

Something shifted after that. The relationship that used to trigger me no longer felt heavy. I could acknowledge that I wanted a man like that, even that I wished it were him, without feeling desperate. I began to understand that manifestation was not about changing the outer world. It was about changing my state. My effort and force were irrelevant. What mattered was who I was being.

I also faced other insecurities. He was effortlessly cool. My friend was extroverted, bold, sometimes even rude. I saw myself as none of those things. I convinced myself it would be an obvious mismatch. But as I detached from circumstances, I stopped creating stories about why it could not work.

When I began truly resting in unconditional love, allowing myself to become who I actually was instead of avoiding fear or pain, everything felt lighter. I chose joy and enjoyment more often. It was subtle but powerful.

Paulie supported me deeply during this time. The questions she asked and the way she guided me into the end state during our calls changed everything. I had always tried to do this mentally, analyzing and forcing thoughts. Learning to think with my heart helped me grasp manifestation on a much deeper level. Through that process, I aligned with the version of myself who already had the relationship I desired.

What surprised me most was that it was not hard. I had been afraid to truly look at myself, but once I connected to God, it felt safe. Every morning, I would settle into that state and simply be there. If I could choose any version of myself, why would I not choose the one who was in the most beautiful relationship? It was not about making something happen. It was about enjoying being her.

As I remained in that state, small manifestations began happening almost instantly. I would think about wanting chocolate, and within half an hour someone would offer me some. I had debt that weighed heavily on me. One day, after connecting deeply to the relief of being debt free, I checked my credit card balance to make a payment. It showed zero. Completely usable again. Whether it was an error or something else, the relief I felt was undeniable.

Then, without much conscious effort, a thought passed through my mind. Would it not be nice if they broke up in a way that did not hurt anyone, and he simply took me out on a date? Not long after, they ended their relationship.

I felt a flicker of panic. If they broke up, maybe he would disappear from our group entirely. But I reminded myself that circumstances did not define the outcome. I trusted divine imagination. I did not know how it would unfold, but I trusted that it would.

Over time, my friend began lashing out within the group, and distance naturally formed. One of the guys eventually said that the breakup made sense and that he missed him. He suggested inviting him out. We did. He joined us again, and everyone enjoyed his presence.

Between us, the energy shifted. We started flirting. One night, after we had both had a bit to drink, he kissed me. I kissed him back. The next day I felt nervous, wondering if it had meant nothing to him. But he told me he had felt a connection from the very beginning.

Once I aligned with the version of myself who already had the relationship, the outer world followed.