From Motel Meetings to Real Love

I used to feel like I was trapped in my own emotions. I beat myself up for never being able to remain in a new state or identity. I thought I was weak for not persisting hard enough.

I was trying to manifest a specific person. We had a physical relationship, but he wouldn’t take it any further, and I knew he was doing the same thing with other women. I didn’t want to quit the relationship because I was afraid that if he wasn’t getting some benefit out of me, why would he call me? Looking back now, I can see how worthless I felt to even entertain that mindset.

My happiness depended on whether he texted me or wanted to see me. If we went a long time without making plans, I would panic. Then he would want us to meet at a motel, and I would get upset because there was no tenderness on his end.

I had given him my heart and my body, but he couldn’t even see me. It got to the point where if he contacted me, my heart felt heavy, and if he didn’t contact me, I felt anxious. I couldn’t win either way.

Eventually I didn’t know what to do anymore. It felt like all the doors had closed. In coaching, I ugly cried during the entire first session.

What changed something inside me was the way Paulie explained the Beatitudes. “Blessed are the poor in spirit.” She talked about the meaning of “blessed” in the original manuscript, that it meant being open and receptive to the presence of love. Being poor in spirit meant making room within myself for that love by letting go of the belief that I had to fix myself or micromanage everything in my life.

When I started applying that, I cried again, but this time it was because I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. For the first time I could believe that I was loved and that I would experience that love in the physical world. That realization turned my world upside down in the best possible way.

I immediately started making room through emotional revision. It was honestly a trippy experience. For the first time I felt like I had real power over my inner world. I realized how many years I had spent letting fear and shame dictate what I believed I could have. The deeper I went into emotional revision, the stronger that presence of unconditional love became.

Afterward, when the old man was buried, I just sat there basking in that feeling. The best way I can describe it is that it felt like I had come back to life after years of having the life drained out of me from waiting and trying to control everything. Now I felt in control of myself, my thoughts, and what I chose to believe.

During this time my person actually went quiet. At first that might have scared the old version of me, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed so I could focus on the emotional revision.

Then something strange happened. As soon as the old man was buried, and I mean literally about ten minutes later, he texted me: “Hey stranger. Miss you.” I remember just staring at my phone because the timing felt unreal.

This time my reaction was completely different. I was genuinely nice because I wasn’t trying to get anything from him anymore. It was nice that he reached out, and I did enjoy feeling pursued, but it felt like a reflection of the happiness I already had within me instead of the texting being the reason for my happiness.

When I felt ready, I started entering the state of the relationship itself. The love I had been feeling inside began to feel more concrete. When I imagined, it didn’t feel like I was trying to convince myself that the 3D was false anymore. I used to repeat that idea to myself but never really believed it. Now it felt more like I was choosing something I knew would eventually be mine.

I’m not sure if I’m explaining the difference perfectly, but imagining from unconditional love feels completely different from imagining from control or avoidance.

It also became surprisingly easy to stay in the state. If a difficult emotion came up, I would talk to the man from the end about it. That way I could process what I was feeling without leaving the state.

As I fell more in love with the end, I actually felt more detached from my specific person. I finally understood what people meant by being faithful to the end. If you’re already in love, why would you want to be separate from it?

During this time something else interesting happened. A previous specific person that I had tried to manifest years ago reached out to me. It felt good to get closure and see how unconditional love seems to reflect everywhere once you start living from it. Even things you thought were lost somehow get repaired.

Then my specific person started treating me differently. He began texting me every day and making plans that didn’t involve motels. At one point he even said that we didn’t have to sleep together every time we saw each other because he wanted to give our connection real time to grow.

That honestly surprised me. It felt completely out of the blue.

But I went with it. I wasn’t going to start questioning how reality had changed or hold him to the version of him I used to know. The next time we met up, he was completely different. He was affectionate, attentive, and honestly seemed head over heels for me.

Experiencing that shift in real life was incredible.

I had read plenty of success stories before, so I thought I knew what it would feel like, but living it in the flesh is something else entirely.

For me, unconditional love made this process simple because it removed the sense that I had to earn anything or force things to happen. Once that pressure was gone, everything else seemed to fall into place naturally.